You’re not a Punching Bag

It is a difficult task to comfort someone who has been abused. Whether it was verbal or physical abuse, both leave painful scars, and both affect the way we interact with others. As a priest, I am constantly reminded of this during Holy Confession when I hear of so much pain. I remind those who suffer that God doesn’t expect anyone to be a doormat. Abuse is never ok, and it should never be sugarcoated as a blessing from God. Avoiding abuse is one thing, but how do those who are abused respond? That’s the Christian struggle.

Brethren, we exhort you, admonish the idlers, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all. See that none of you repays evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to all. Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit, do not despise prophesying, but test everything; hold fast what is good, abstain from every form of evil. May the God of peace himself sanctify you wholly; and may your spirit and soul and body be kept sound and blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. – 1st Thessalonians 5.14-23

The Lord said, “Take heed to yourselves; if your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him; and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, and says, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.” The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith!” And the Lord said, “If you had faith as a grain of mustard seed, you could say to this sycamore tree, ‘Be rooted up, and be planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you. Will any one of you, who has a servant plowing or keeping sheep, say to him when he has come in from the field, ‘Come at once and sit down at table?'” Will he not rather say to him, ‘Prepare supper for me, and gird yourself and serve me, till I eat and drink; and afterward you shall eat and drink?’ Does he thank the servant because he did what was commanded? So you also, when you have done all that is commanded you, say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our duty.'” – Luke 17.3-10

In both readings for today, we see how God expects us to respond. We should not repay evil for evil, and we should forgive no matter how many times they ask. That does NOT mean stay in the abuse. Forgiveness does not mean remaining in danger. It means you move beyond the pain and pray for the soul of the abuser. They abuser needs prayer too. We are also expected to do what we can to help abusers to stop their sinful behavior without ignoring the pain of the abused.

These readings are helpful for those who have courage to speak out, or to GET OUT. There are many who for whatever reason, cannot find a way to leave. For those, and you might be reading this today. I invite you to pray to Saint Agatha who is commemorated today. You can read a very brief story about her life here. She suffered greatly and can comfort you too when you pray to her.

The saints are special, not only because they were holy, but because they suffered like we suffer. They can whisper comfort into your heart when the world seems dark and frightening. They can even give you courage, or maybe a nudge, to GET OUT NOW to safety. Remember, God doesn’t want you to be punching bag. He wants to you to be holy.