What I Have Learned About Myself

Tomorrow is the last day of Great Lent and I’m wondering what I learned about myself this year. If we don’t stop and ask this question, then our journey was nothing more than a list of ‘dos and don’ts’ without any benefit. It might make us good Pharisees, but it makes us worthless Christians. So here goes…

When it comes to fasting, and the ascetic life in general, I’m a believer in its power. People may mock my fasting regiment, but in truth my fasting (as I have always written should be) is an agreement between myself and my spiritual father. I don’t always succeed, but I have never given up. I have also learned that most other people I encounter don’t agree with me about the ascetic life, and I’m doing my best to be at peace with that truth. We won’t always agree. In fact, I have learned this year we rarely do agree.

When it comes to Church services, I have always thought more was better. I don’t believe this because of some checklist, but because people live incredibly complex and busy lives. If the Church limits worship opportunities to Sundays and occasional feast days, we limit the chances for busy people to connect with God in His Church. With the increased services we offer in our host parish, I have witnessed on many occasions that ‘lone person’ who walks into the Church during Orthros or Vespers and prays along with the Chanter. If the Church was locked, that would never be possible. Is it too much for a priest to offer services if ‘only 1 or 2’ people attend? Some think it is a waste of the priest’s time. While I have never suggested people should be in Church every day, I have learned that it doesn’t matter what I say out loud. People see services on the schedule and presume I am judging them because they don’t attend. I’m doing my best to be at peace with that truth. We won’t always agree. In fact, I have learned this year we rarely do agree.

When it comes to expectations for the Christian life, I have learned that I have extremely high standards from those who seek my spiritual involvement in their lives. I have learned that what I say is not always what people hear. I have learned that I believe we should always try harder than we did last year. I have learned that most people don’t agree with me. In fact, most are perfectly comfortable doing what they’ve always done. I’m doing my best to be at peace with that truth. We won’t always agree. In fact, I have learned this year we rarely do agree.

I have ultimately learned that not everyone wants my advice. Sometimes they just want my attention. I’ve learned I’m not very good at that. I’m not very good at showing my love for others without trying to convince them they can be better. I’ve learned a lot about myself this year during Great Lent. I only pray I can be better now that I know.

You may ask how I learned all this about myself? I have you to thank, because I made a commitment to blog every day for Great Lent, and every day you chose to logon and read what I had written. Reading the daily lives of the Saints and daily readings from the Old Testament have helped me learn just how much further I must go in my own spiritual journey. Pray for me.