Honor in Relationships

Yesterday I wrote about marriage and the equality that exists in a holy marriage. Continuing on the theme of family, today I wanted to talk about children along with their parents. The issues are not entirely separate. Children must honor their parents. Is it really such a one-way relationship?

Brethren, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Slaves, be obedient to those who are your earthly masters, with fear and trembling, in singleness of heart, as to Christ; not in the way of eye-service, as men-pleasers, but as servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that whatever good any one does, he will receive the same again from the Lord, whether he is a slave or free. Masters, do the same to them, and forbear threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and that there is no partiality with him.

Ephesians 5.33, 6.1-9

Having just urged married couples to unity in Christ, Saint Paul turns to children. “Obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” Referring to the Ten Commandments, Saint Paul reminds all children (not just kids) that the relationship between child and parents is blessed by God. It has a divine purpose. Saint Paul includes, “in the Lord” in his urging. It is not one-way though. Saint Paul immediately reminds fathers to act with humility and love.

Let me put this in context. Saint Paul first teaches that holy marriage is about husbands and wives loving each other as Christ. THEN he tells children to be obedient “in the Lord.” Just as a wife has nothing to fear being subject to man who loves her as Christ, a child has nothing to fear being obedient to a parent who is committed to Christ.

But what happens when parents don’t ‘care much’ about God? What about the commandment to be obedient then? I have known many children who love God while their parents just don’t seem to care. Because the children love God, obedience to their parents comes naturally. Love for God feeds love for others. So long as the parents don’t attempt to draw their children away from God, obedience is still a blessing.

Obedience is always a blessing. Let’s be honest. The synaxarion (listing of saints) is filled with examples of children martyrs because of their parents. Suffering on earth does not ‘hurt’ us in heaven. Children who love God know that to be true.

Let me state an important disclaimer. It is true that obedience to parents (and from slaves to masters as Saint Paul also teaches in today’s reading) is always blessed. That DOES NOT mean it is ok to abuse children or to own slaves. I must make that clear. It is ok for children (and spouses) to leave an abusive situation for safety. God will never look poorly on those who run from violence.

Where does that leave us with the question of honor in relationships? It is always possible to honor someone else. We honor them in obedience, but we also honor them in prayer. Is a parent struggling to raise their children in the Lord? Then children honor them by prayer and obedience. If a believing wife can save an unbelieving husband, and vice versa (see 1 Corinthians 7) then a believing child can save an unbelieving parent.