No Law Against Kindness

I hear it all the time. Be kind. What does it mean to be kind? Is it kind to allow people to think they are something they are not? Is it kind to tell someone they are going to hell if they don’t change? Some say yes. Some say no.

Brethren, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such there is no law.  And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.  If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit.  Let us have no self-conceit, no provoking of one another, no envy of one another.  Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness.  Look to yourself, lest you too be tempted.  Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

Galatians 5:22-26;6:1-2

As Orthodox Christians living in a secular world, the idea of kindness can be misinterpreted. I don’t think it is kind to allow people to think something is true when it is not, but I must also respect their free will. It is not kind to deny free will, so we live in a constant dilemma.

I came across a post the other day that suggested more than 50% of Orthodox Christians believe ‘in’ same-sex marriage. I admit I didn’t click the link, but I did read some of the comments. Frankly, I would not be surprised if the statistic is accurate. Is it out of kindness?

Orthodox Christian teaching is clear on this subject, so this post is NOT about same-sex marriage. This post is about the difference between being kind and enabling poor behavior. Before we can talk about which behavior is poor, we must first agree about who’s behavior.

The Scriptures address the behavior of believers, not the general population. It is not kind to allow believers to think same-sex marriage (or any other sinful act) is a good thing. On the other hand, it is not kind to ignore the temptations and suffering those believers endure.

As a priest for eighteen years, and as someone who has worked in Church ministry for more than thirty years, I can assure you that everyone is constantly suffering with temptation. The only kind thing to do is to journey with them in their suffering, but without enabling them.

For example, it is true that God will forgive everything. That is not ‘a free ticket’ to do as we please, but a reminder that when we fall to temptation, He will help us get back up to continue fighting. It is not kind to encourage people to stop fighting against their temptation.

It is also not kind to expect nonbelievers to act like believers. If a nonbeliever wants to live a certain lifestyle, that is his or her prerogative. It may or may not be a good choice from our perspective, but that is what free will is about.

The dilemma comes when ‘their’ free will interferes with ‘our’ free will. Recent decades have shown how society continues to move further from Christian beliefs and morals. Our problem as Orthodox Christians is that we have ‘allowed’ social morals to influence our children.

Instead of teaching our children that we live according to a certain way of life as Orthodox Christians, we have neglected to teach them society sometimes goes against the Church. That might be ‘ok’ for society, but it is not ‘ok’ for us. Our way is not necessarily their way.

In teaching ‘they’ can do what they want without the emphasis that ‘we’ do not, is not kind. It confuses our children. Allowing our children to believe that behavior is ‘ok’ when it is not, is not kind. We must teach the difference between free will and kindness.

It is also not unkind to believe that certain behaviors are bad, while honoring free will. That brings us back to my opening question. Is it kind to allow people to think they are something they are not? If people are not believers, then it is not kind to treat them as if they are.

Being kind allows for the free will of others while maintaining our personal life-choices as Orthodox Christians. It does not affect us unless we allow it to affect us. If we ‘leave’ moral teaching to society, then it will hurt us. That most definitely is not kind.

Here’s the deal. We can, and should, be kind to others, but that will never relieve us of the responsibility of forming our children into faithful Orthodox Christian adults. We can ‘allow’ society to choose same-sex marriage without ever condoning it, but it requires kindness.

We must be kind to those who do not believe as we believe, and we must be kind to our children by reminding them that we believe and live by Orthodox Christian standards. Sometimes others agree with us. Sometimes they don’t. That doesn’t change our way of life.