Tough Love is Real Love

You’ve heard the expression, but do you know how to express it? Expressing love can be one of the hardest things a person can do. Loving someone is wanting only what is best for them, even if it hurts you. Loving someone can also hurt them if they don’t want what’s best for them.

At that time, as Jesus was teaching the people in the temple and preaching the gospel, the chief priests and the scribes with the elders came up and said to Him, “Tell us by what authority you do these things, or who it is that gave you this authority.”  He answered them, “I also will ask you a question; now tell me, was the baptism of John from heaven or from men?”  And they discussed it with one another, saying, “If we say, ‘From heaven,’ he will say, ‘Why did you not believe him?’  But if we say, ‘From men,’ all the people will stone us; for they are convinced that John was a prophet.”  So they answered that they did not know whence it was.  And Jesus said to them, “Neither will I tell you by what authority I do these things.”

Luke 20.1-8

In today’s Gospel reading Christ is faced with loving the elders more than they love Him. What they wanted was to trap Him. What they received was a dose of tough love. They were not honest with Him. He didn’t give them what they wanted, but what they needed.

Sometimes love is expressed though limitations to what we want. Every loving parent knows a child cannot always have what they want. It isn’t loving to always give someone what they want, so a loving parent shows tough love. “No! You may not eat candy for breakfast. That’s final!”

Our response sometimes is to sneak the candy anyway, but eventually we learn candy is not what our body needs first thing in the morning. Only by looking back can we accept that the tough love our parents showed us was for our own good. Then we are thankful.

The secular world is like a bowl of candy ‘calling out’ to us. It brings immediate pleasure only to cause issues later in life with obesity and diabetes. God has given us His Church to say “no” to us every now and again to help us grow. The Church is here to show us tough love.

The Nativity Fast is a prime example of the conflict between the secular world and the Church. For the secular world the ‘Christmas Season’ is weeks of holiday parties and shopping. By the time Christmas Day arrives, most people are ‘tired’ of Christmas and just want to move on.

The Church has a different suggestion. Delay the party, and fast and pray to prepare for Christmas. The Church has established two whole weeks of feasting and celebration after Christmas. Begin celebrating Christmas with Divine Liturgy ON CHRISTMAS, and then party.

At first, you are likely to experience the delay as punishment. Like a child has a tantrum when denied the candy breakfast, we have a tantrum when we are denied our holidays parties. Many even ‘call out’ the Church for being out of touch and too strict. That’s why it’s called tough love.

It wouldn’t be tough if it didn’t make us struggle against what we want and what we need. It also wouldn’t be love if it didn’t make us stronger and bring us closer to God. Give it a try this year. Avoid the holiday parties and spend some time reading the Bible and attending Church.

Make an appointment with your spiritual father during the Nativity Fast. He will help you make a plan. He may even show you some ‘tough love’ but you will all the better for it later. You just have to push through it to see it.