Blind Egos

Nobody wants to admit it, but everyone struggles with it. Our ego challenges our faith every day. On the one hand we desire to be like God. On the other hand, our ego helps us forget we are not God. When we assert ourselves to know better than the Church, we can blame our ego.

At that time, when the days drew near for him to be received up, he set his face to go to Jerusalem. And he sent messengers ahead of him, who went and entered a village of the Samaritans, to make ready for him; but the people would not receive him, because his face was set toward Jerusalem. And when his disciples James and John saw it, they said, “Lord, do you want us to bid fire come down from heaven and consume them as Elijah did?” But he turned and rebuked them, and he said, “You do not know what manner of spirit you are of; for the Son of man came not to destroy men’s lives but to save them.” And they went on to another village. As they were going along the road, he said to those who followed him, “All things have been delivered to me by my Father; and no one knows who the Son is except the Father, or who the Father is except the Son and any one to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.” Then turning to the disciples he said privately, “Blessed are the eyes which see what you see! For I tell you that many prophets and kings desired to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.” And he went on his way through towns and villages, teaching, and journeying towards Jerusalem.

Luke 9:51-57, 10:22-24, 13:22

Today’s reading is chosen by the Church in honor of Saint Gerasimos of Cephalonia. It is important that we ask ourselves why the Church might select certain readings for certain saints. It isn’t by chance. The Church is teaching us in the readings selected. What is today teaching us?

Saint Gerasimos lived his life as a monastic moving from place to place, finally completing his life in the monastery he established. He was ‘so holy’ that his body, after almost 500 years, has never decomposed. God is telling us some about this saint. This saint knew God.

If we want to know God the first thing is that we must embrace a level of asceticism, either in the world or in a monastery. We aren’t all called to be monastics, but we are all called to lives dedicated to God instead of the world. The way of asceticism is committed to battling the ego.

In today’s reading we learn of the egos of the Disciples who asked, “Lord, do you want us to bid fire come down from heaven and consume them?” The very question makes me laugh. If Christ wanted to destroy them, did the disciples not think He would do it on His own?

It was their ego at work. They thought they knew better than our Lord. They thought they were acting “as Elias did.” They had to be reminded they were not Elias. They had to be reminded their eyes were blessed to see the Living God. Elias never had that blessing.

Their ego had blinded them to their blessing. Our ego does the same. It is so easy to forget the blessings that God has given us. It is so easy to think we are better because of those blessings. We forget we are still sinners. We should be fighting our ego, not fighting others.

Our Lord reminds us today, He came “not to destroy men’s lives, but to save them.” If we want to be like God, or Elias, or Saint Gerasimos, then we must fight our ego. We are blind not because God hasn’t shown us the way. We are blind because we allow our ego to think for us.

If it happened to the Disciples, who walked and talked and ate with Christ, what makes us think we are exempt from the battle? If Christ had to rebuke His Disciples, we must be willing to be rebuked. We can even rebuke ourselves through our asceticism. So, we fast and pray.

As I wrote before, if we are not monastics we shouldn’t fast like monastics. That doesn’t mean we don’t fast. It means we fast like people living in the world with jobs and daily responsibilities. Asceticism has changed over the centuries, but it remains a central part of our Orthodox life.

Without asceticism, our ego goes unchecked. We continue to think we are better than others. We continue to think we know better than the Church. Don’t be blind because of your ego. Allow the Church to guide you in your battle against the ego. Allow yourself to be rebuked.

The Dormition Fast has ended, but it is never too late to meet with your spiritual father and work on your asceticism. You ego might think you don’t need it, but your ego is blind.