One Disagreement Away from Enemies

I have watched best friends willing to die for each other, only to stop talking over a single disagreement. We put so much energy into our relationships that when they ‘go bad’ we are lost. Even family members can turn on each other if loyalties don’t align.

In those days, Saul was with the disciples at Damascus. And in the synagogues immediately he proclaimed Jesus, saying, “He is the Son of God.” And all who heard him were amazed, and said, “is not this the man who made havoc in Jerusalem of those who called on this name? And he has come here for this purpose, to bring them bound before the chief priests.” But Saul increased all the more in strength, and confounded the Jews who lived in Damascus by proving that Jesus was the Christ. When many days had passed, the Jews plotted to kill him, but their plot became known to Saul. They were watching the gates day and night, to kill him; but his disciples took him by night and let him down over the wall, lowering him in a basket. And when he had come to Jerusalem he attempted to join the disciples; and they were all afraid of him, for they did not believe that he was a disciple. But Barnabas took him, and brought him to the apostles, and declared to them how on the road he had seen the Lord, who spoke to him, and how at Damascus he had preached boldly in the name of Jesus. So he went in and out among them at Jerusalem, preaching boldly in the name of the Lord. And he spoke and disputed against the Hellenists; but they were seeking to kill him. And when the brethren knew it, they brought him down to Caesarea, and sent him off to Tarsus. So the church throughout all Judea and Galilee and Samaria had peace and was built up; and walking in the fear of the Lord and in the comfort of the Holy Spirit it was multiplied.

Acts 9.19-31

It was just in yesterday’s reading that we heard that Saul was willing to bring any believer back to Jerusalem for punishment. The Jews had selected Saul as their defender, only to find out later that God has chosen Saul for another purpose.

Saul became one of the greatest defenders of Christ which caused a problem for himself and those around him. Many Christians didn’t believe his ‘changed’ heart and the Jews were angry that he became a traitor.

Saul’s story is much like any of us. Our closest relationships are based upon shared priorities. So long as those priorities remain common, our relationships blossom, even thrive. But, if at any time one of us ‘go astray’ the relationship suffers. This is most painful in matters of faith.

Whether we are born into the Church or come later in life, eventually we must choose between relationships with people and a relationship with Christ and His Church. For those coming to the Church later in life, leaving Protestant family behind can be very painful, even traumatic.

I have witnessed many examples of family schisms occurring over Christ. I wondered why, until I read the Bible. “Now brother will betray brother to death, and a father his child; and children will rise up against parents and cause them to be put to death.” (Mark 13.12)

Having experienced the brunt of loyalties turned enemies, Saul-become-Paul says, “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” (Romans 12.18) This is coming from the man who was chased down and stoned by those who loved him.

So, what can we do when our relationships turn sour because we grow closer to Christ? “A man’s enemies will be those of his own household.” (Matthew 10.36) Christ prepared us for this reality. The most important thing for us is to ask, “Why are we now enemies?”

If our relationships turn sour because of Christ, then our response is prayer and peace. Saint Paul never stopped praying for his people. Just because someone turns on us, doesn’t mean we turn on them.

The key to maintaining relationships with those who reject our faith in Christ is prayer and peace, which only comes from a life in Communion with God. That is why the Church places so much emphasis on prayer, fasting, almsgiving and sacraments. Christ gives us what we need.

If our family chooses not to follow Christ, we must love them enough to allow them their choice, while never giving up hope they will change their hearts. One thing I have learned. WE cannot change anyone’s hearts by arguing or compelling them.

Eventually, by God’s grace our relationships can be restored. Many of the Jews eventually turned to Christ and the Christians eventually trusted Saint Paul. It wasn’t an easy path, but any dedicated to following Christ is worth the struggle.

Saint Seraphim of Sarov is known to have said, “Acquire inner peace and thousands around shall be saved.” That peace only comes from God. Focus on living in peace, and any relationship can heal.