Family Responsibilities

This time of year, our hearts and minds are on our families. We call them and visit them for the holidays. We plan to honor them with Christmas presents. We are devoted to family, but what happens when families fall apart? What happens when families are left to fend for themselves?

This time of year, the heart and mind of the Church is on those who are alone fending for themselves. Soup kitchens and food pantries are forced to ‘turn away’ volunteers this time of year. There just isn’t enough room for all the ‘extra’ volunteers during the holidays.

So, our hearts are in the right place, but not always at the right time. Many charities that depend on volunteer help will agree. Help is wanted in the off-season too, not just for Christmas. All this ‘extra’ energy on helping others can get confusing when it comes to families.

The resources of the Church are limited and have always been. Today’s reading from Saint Paul’s First Letter to Timothy offers some insight into how to help families. Saint Paul suggests that assistance be focused on those who are “real” widows, “left all alone.” Let’s start there.

Timothy, my son, do not rebuke an older man but exhort him as you would a father; treat younger men like brothers, older women like mothers, younger women like sisters, in all purity. Honor widows who are real widows. If a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn their religious duty to their own family and make some return to their parents; for this is acceptable in the sight of God. She who is a real widow, and is left all alone, has set her hope on God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day; whereas she who is self-indulgent is dead even while she lives. Command this, so that they may be without reproach. If any one does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his own family, he has disowned the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. Let a widow be enrolled if she is not less than sixty years of age, having been the wife of one husband; and she must be well attested for her good deeds, as one who has brought up children, shown hospitality, washed the feet of the saints, relieved the afflicted, and devoted herself to doing good in every way.

1^st Timothy 5.1-10

It isn’t that people with families are ignored by the Church. Nobody is ignored by the Church. Saint Paul is reminding each of us about our responsibilities to our family. It is our shame when we leave our family members to be supported by the Church. Our family is our responsibility.

It is our shame when we choose our personal comfort over the protection of our family. I have seen many times, too many times, people in soup kitchen lines even though they have family living comfortable lives. Now begin the excuses…..BUT….let me stop you right there.

I admit there are cases when family members are ‘cut off’ due to abuse and careless living. We must remember Saint Paul also teaches that someone should not eat if they do not work. That is also why in today’s reading, widows must be “not less than sixty” since they are able to work.

Work doesn’t have to mean ‘going to a job’ that pays a salary, but in today’s environment there are many opportunities for people to have the dignity of earning money for their own needs. Whether it is a ‘paying job’ or helping with the family needs, any work is better than no work.

So, I get when sometimes family members are ‘cut-off’ because they may refuse to ‘chip in’ for the family. Let’s leave that topic for another day. Today is about our personal greed and ignoring our family. The blessings we receive from God are meant for others, and it starts with family.

The Church resources are available for those who are “left all alone” and we must also ensure the Church has the proper resources to help them. It is a good thing for any Church program to have a vetting process to ensure Church resources are not being abused.

As part of our Nativity Fast this year, we should pay attention to the needs of our family, more than the shopping list. I remember a time when holidays also meant turning needs into gifts. The gift of socks and underwear fulfills both categories. Gifts don’t have to be useless gadgets.

A lot of people talk about gift-giving during the holidays is conjunction with the gifts from Saint Nicholas to the needy. What is more appropriate than meeting someone’s needs by gifting them what they need? A useful gift isn’t any less a gift.

If you have a family member in need, I invite you to ask yourself how you can honor God by helping. WE will be the ones judged for not helping if our family members turn up at the Church asking for help, all the while we had enough resources to help. That will be our shame.

Then, once the holidays are over, and our family still is in need, we already have a plan to help. We don’t have to wait, and we shouldn’t wait, for the next holiday.