Proper Grief

We all experience grief. It may be a loved one’s death. We may grieve the loss of a job. Grief occurs when we lose something or someone dear to us. When we face the prospect of losing ourselves, our grief can be overwhelming.

Brethren, let us cleanse ourselves from every defilement of body and spirit, and make holiness perfect in the fear of God. Open your hearts to us; we have wronged no one, we have corrupted no one, we have taken advantage of no one. I do not say this to condemn you, for I said before that you are in our hearts, to die together and to live together. I have great confidence in you; I have great pride in you; I am filled with comfort. With all our affliction, I am overjoyed. For even when we came into Macedonia, our bodies had no rest but we were afflicted at every turn –fighting without and fear within. But God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us by the coming of Titus, and not only by his coming but also by the comfort with which he was comforted in you, as he told us of your longing, your mourning, your zeal for me, so that I rejoiced still more. For even if I made you sorry with my letter, I do not regret it (though I did regret it), for I see that that letter grieved you, though only for a while. As it is, I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting; for you felt a godly grief, so that you suffered no loss through us. For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation and brings no regret, but worldly grief produces death.

2^nd Corinthians 7.1-10

Saint Paul was good at helping us turn our grief in the right direction. In today’s reading he even shares his joy that our grief leads to repentance. Repentance ultimately leads to losing our past selves as we become new creations in Christ.

When we discover our way of life is causing us pain we grieve the loss of peace. When we change our ways to find peace, we grieve our ‘old self’ and can even long for the ‘good old days’ when we lived carefree. Funny that grief exists both in the old and the new, but not all grief is good.

If our grief leads to longing for the past, and we fall back to our old ways, then grief produces death. That is what Saint Paul calls worldly grief. When our grief leads us to a Christian life, and we leave the old ways behind, that is proper grief. That is what Saint Paul calls Godly grief.

The truth is all our natural experiences of passions have become two sided coins. One side leads to repentance and the other leads to death. Love of God leads to repentance. Love of self leads to death. Godly grief leads to life. Worldly grief leads to death. All passions act the same.

I remember visiting a widower who was grieving for his wife. As she was approaching her death from cancer, he was very angry that she was going to leave him alone so early in life. Then she died. His grief led him to repentance when he said, “I’m glad she doesn’t have to go through what I’m going through now. I’m glad she died first.”

His Godly grief allowed him to turn his love for himself into love for his wife. When he allowed proper grief to lead the way, he was able to flip the coin. Although he continued to miss his wife, he lived the rest of his life in peace. He was lonely but he was at peace.

Experiencing proper grief will always lead to peace. It doesn’t take away loneliness. It doesn’t change the reality of loss. It just helps us see life as God sees it. If you are grieving, ask God to help you flip the coin from worldly grief to Godly grief. You will find peace.